5 True Things I Wish You’d Stop Saying

speak-no-evil

You ever had someone say something to you and you know its true but a part of you still wants to fight it? Yeah, seems like there are many of those. The truth is not always popular and it’s not always spoken in the most convenient moments. Here are my top 5 true things that I really wish you’d stop saying:

Love is all there is.

To this one, I simply smile and nod. In my mind, I’ve just envisioned myself slapping you soundly across the face and saying, “Shut the f*** up! Love is NOT all there is. If it was 1. There wouldn’t be ________ [insert hateful horror du jour] and 2. You wouldn’t need to say it.”

Despite, my visceral reaction, you are right…kind of. I think a more accurate statement would be “Love is all there is…at its origin”, meaning than even fear or hatred (which is a form of fear) starts out as a desire to love and protect yourself. After that point of origin, there is duality – yin and yang, light and dark. So, yes, “in the beginning” love is all there is but beyond that point is where most people live.

He/She is in a better place.

In the moment that you’ve said it to me, I’m likely wracked with grief and telling me about the outcome for the dead person DOES NOT HELP that. Grief is 100% selfish. I am mourning MY loss. So by telling me they are in a better place, you’ve clearly just demonstrated total lack of understanding about the inner workings of grief itself as well as total disregard for my emotions. Yes, I know you meant well.

That’s not to say that your statement is incorrect. In fact, I know you’re right. Been there, seen that. I had a near death experience when I was 19 and it was the single most fabulous event of my life so I totally agree that he/she is in a better place. But remember that a statement being true doesn’t always make it appropriate to say. Honor the moment.

Forgiveness will set you free.

“What’s that? I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you. I’ve got this bone of contention and I’m too busy gnawing on it to hear a thing you have to say. Nom nom nom.”

What you don’t seem to understand is that I’m holding on to this pain for a reason. Perhaps it is to remind me not to trust that person again, perhaps it serves as validation for my current behavior, or maybe I even hold onto it because I get more attention and sympathy. So, yes, forgiveness would set me free but until I address my reasons for holding on to the pain, I won’t ever get there.

In the meantime, you saying that to me makes me feel like you’ve completely invalidated my experience. It pushes me further away from forgiveness and you.

All you need to do is _____________.

Oh, wow, really?! I didn’t realize all I needed to do was [eat less, exercise more] [get a job] [find someone with a big list to partner with] […]. I wish I had known that sooner. I totally would have tried that!

Yes, it is true that all I need to do is _____________. However, if doing ______________ was easy and straightforward, it would already be done and we wouldn’t even be having this conversation. The next time you feel the urge to state something that is well known and exceedingly simple, raise your hand…and then put it over your mouth.

If I am not doing the obvious, it is because there is something standing in my way. Help me figure out what that thing is and help me get past it and you’ve forever changed my life. Simply telling me the simple version just makes you seem pompous and self-absorbed.

Your past is not your future.

I couldn’t resist adding one I say often that I’m sure irritates the hell out of those around me. Clearly, if nothing changes then nothing changes, which means that your past actually is your future, unless you make different choces.

I think this statement would be much more accurate (and well received) if it was changed to, “Your past doesn’t have to be your future.”

Why do I say it? Because life is a lot like your GPS. It has never scoffed at you and said, “You’re starting at A and you want to go all the way to Z?! Impossible!” It simply takes your data and calculates the route. Life does the same but I see far too many people telling themselves crappy stories about what that starting point means, and staying stuck as a result.

So, yes, I say stupid, cringe-worthy truths with good intentions, just like the rest of you. I’m working on honing my compassion so I can better recognize what it would feel like on the receiving side. Maybe you could too.

What are some of your least favorite truths to hear (or that you catch yourself saying)? Leave me a comment and share a couple.

 

Like what you’re reading? Sign up for my periodic newsletter and get a FREE video, “The First 3 Steps to Overcoming Fear” [button link=”http://forms.aweber.com/form/96/525927796.htm” size=”small” bgColor=”#ab3720″ target=”blank”]Yes, I’d love to get fear busting tips![/button]

 

Photo credit: smileham / Foter / Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 2.0 Generic (CC BY-NC 2.0)

Just Doing It

afraid

I have a secret. I’m afraid people will come to my website.

I have a great deal of website shame. My content is not all that I feel like it should be so I blog on a different site (http://shaylalogan.wordpress.com/). People LOVE my blog! My website? … not so much.

SO I decided to sign up for the Spiritual Badass 30 Day Blog Challenge AND I plan to post the blogs on this site.

Why? Well, first because it will motivate me to get my site in order. Second, I’d rather have all of my stuff in one place so it is easier for both me and my clients. And third, because sometimes the easiest way to get past your angst is to just move, even if it is in tiny steps.

Being a Professional Fear Buster means that I get to experience all kinds of fear and then bust through it. Each time I do so, I grow and I’m able to help my clients grow even more too. Win-win!

So, today, my plan is to be like Nike and Just Do It. Welcome to Day 1 🙂

 

 

Like what you’re reading? Sign up for my periodic newsletter and get a FREE video, “The First 3 Steps to Overcoming Fear” [button link=”http://forms.aweber.com/form/96/525927796.htm” size=”small” bgColor=”#ab3720″ target=”blank”]Yes, I’d love to get fear busting tips![/button]

Manifesting Greater Love

On this episode of This Stuff’s Working! Radio, we’re going to be talking about manifesting greater love in your life. Our guest will be Love Ambassador Shayla Logan, author, motivational speaker and coach behind Life Out Loud.

Love is the most powerful energy there is. You can embody love to create so much more in your life. We’re going to explore why self-love is important and how it ties into being able to love others around you more. We’ll also discuss, how singles can create the love they are seeking in their lives.

It’s gonna be a love fest! You won’t want to miss it!

Always Believing In You,

Coach KishaLynn

Three Steps to Sticking with Your Weight Loss Goals

Can you relate to this statement, “I’ve been overweight for many years and think, on a regular basis, how I’d like to change it. I know what to do and, when I actually DO it, the weight starts to come off. The issue is that I can’t seem to stick with it!” ?

This is a common issue…— Read More in this Yahoo! Voices article —

Love is Not a One Way Street

im-so-confused_l

We’re often taught it’s better to give than to receive but the truth is, it’s better to do both. If we only receive, who will people give to? Love, just like any other energy on this planet, has a need to circulate. By refusing to receive, you are blocking that circulation.

We often don’t allow ourselves to receive for two reasons. One, we think it’s “selfish” and two, deep down we don’t feel deserving and/or we believe we aren’t self-sufficient/holding our own if we allow others to help us. There is fallacy in the logic of both of those beliefs. One, selfish is only selfish if it gets to the point where you think of nobody but yourself. Allowing yourself to be loved raises the love within you, which raises the vibration of love on the planet overall, by default. As for self-sufficiency, when’s the last time you stopped a construction worker and asked them to stop building a road because you wouldn’t be self-sufficient if you drove on it? We are all already inter-dependent! We rely on each other regularly to live our lives. It’s only when it’s someone close to us tries to give that we start blocking it. If you really feel that strongly about it, then make a plan to do something in return – whether it’s for that person or paying it forward. By doing so, you allow love to circulate and we’re all happier.

 

Photo credit: Ian Sane / Foter.com / CC BY